Backwards as it may seem, one of the most effective ways to help children learn not to whine is to compliment them.

Complimenting children when they whine diffuses the negative energy and poweer struggles that can escalate when both parent and child are upset. Doing it requires a state of mind that allows calm and creative thinking. So before trying this technique, figure out what you can do to stay calm, and to take a positive view of the opportunity whining gives you to teach and train your children not to whine.

Here are some of the compliments that might fit a child's whining:

• "You are very determined person --- that's great!"
• "What clear words you're using!"
• "You really know what you want!"
• "I can see you really like...(whatever it is they're whining for)."

Once compliments like these are delivered in a pleasant tone, children usually start calming down, because they actually feel a little surprised. As they do, you can look for other ways to facilitate and affirm their success:

• "Nice work calming down. When you're calm it makes it easier to talk."
• "When you're calm like this it helps us talk about what you want."
• "It seems like you know some other ways to ask for what you want."

We've seen this approach effectively reduce whining in hundreds of kids. Once the energy is redirected away from the negative whining, and efforts to make it stop, and toward whatever could be complimented, kids and parents alike feel calmer and encouraged. This leads to much more effective problem solving and teaching - a win/win for both parent and child!

Give it a try and let us know what you learned.

See the 2 minute video:
"How to Turn Whine-Whine Into Win-Win"